Devastatingly Clever Comebacks That Made Us Cackle
If you want a roast to land, you have to be truthful. Say you're trying to roast an old man — it'd be ridiculous to call him a baby, right? Because he's not a baby. He's very very old. But if you saw an entitled rich kid crying at a restaurant because he's only 20 years old and can't order wine even though his parents practically run this town? Well, you call that man a baby. Because he's acting like a baby. And therefore, it rungs true. That's what makes these comebacks we've collected here from /r/CleverComebacks so incredible — you're going to read them and be like "yup, that's what's going on here. That person on the internet totally nailed it." Check out these clever comebacks, and feel free to jot them down for the next time you've got to roast a very specific fool in a very specific way.
Must bring own makeup.
ORIGINAL POST: My boyfriend got his side girl pregnant but we both love each other. Should I stay? THE RESPONSE: Yes. They’ll need a clown for the kid’s birthday parties. – @MsThobekaa
Also Spotify, so the journey's not boring.
The Youth have Google Maps. – @AffiSupaStar
Who is nature to abhor anything, really?
It’ll be dead soon. Nature abhors a vacuum. – commentsivehadafew
There is — and this is no exaggeration — no worse movie in the world than Batman V. Superman.
Let them defeat Rotten Tomatoes first. – @Chukwuma_U
It's like chicken-or-the-egg but for bad relationships.
Fellas, marry a woman that doesn’t play these kinds of games. – @MacMaal_
The bar exam should test your ability to come up with snapbacks.
From an actual court transcript: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Boomers love to lecture.
You had labels on your drinking fountains. Shut the f*ck up, George. – OvertlySinister
Don't ask men to go around int their weird tank-top undershirts.
The majority of men in business settings are wearing multiple layers of clothes to conform to the dress code. Put on a goddamn cardigan and stop making me ashamed to share a chromosome with you. – @Librumtinia
Hey now, you're an all-star.
Shrek grossed 484 million just so we’re clear. – @TheAccountOfSam
Economics beat you to it.
You can already do this with a ZIP code. – @nfinitefreetime
I think we can all agree that, whatever the problem is, it's the fault of the millennials.
They should spend less money on coffee and try pulling themselves up by their bootstraps and accepting a low offer just to get some experience selling houses under their belts. – @YourFriendCrud
Karen's on a real tear.
THE FIRST COMMENT: Wow I really can’t believe how people can be so judgmental over a flipping haircut! Yes my hair has been different lengths of this style for years! I’ve gotten nothing but compliments on my hair. But then again everyone’s entitled to their own opinions… but you don’t have to be such jerks about it. THE RESPONSE: Would you like to speak to the page administrator about this? – the_sandman08
Remember that day when Twitter announced they were moving to 280 characters? Because McDonald's wishes it could forget.
Damn the ice cream emoji broke too? – elementaldwarf
Before you post a status, think about it for, like, one second.
Book, try reading one. – memezzer
Turning it back around on 'em.
I respond to these time-wasting questions on Reddit. – Bjarki56
Can't tell if she's surprised or not.
I would lose weight and look good in a crop top if I walked the distance between your eyebrows. – @araslanian_
See, The Witcher on Netflix isn't based on the games.
Oh, I must have left it at home WITH THE DAMN BOOKS. – @NXOnNetflix
This guy just earned a spot in my Top 8.
MySpace Tom’s actual reply: Says the guy who sold MySpace in 2005 for $580 million while you slave away hoping for a half-day off.
"No one can know we're together!"
Is ur man really ur man if you have to hide his name? – @ruckin_
Taking a big risk with your family there, champ.
That’s tough talk from someone who’s entire family can be taken out with a rusty nail. – crackshawofficial
A washing machine is how many feet long?
Americans will measure with anything but the Metric system. – @Ralphium
Very happy for you two.
So who’s the lucky guy? – school-yeeter
Always consider cost of living before moving states.
You live in Indiana. Your total costs per month is probably two dollars and a sack of corn. – @Namastaywoke
I have never been angrier at a college.
The sign that was hung up in response read: A student wants you to know: With this, times 5200 students, I should be able to print whatever the hell I want.
How am I supposed to forget you when every time I go outside I see things that remind me of you like garbage bins and dog sh*t. – prettycoolkid88
Flat earth? Flat mind.
With the circumference of 24,901 miles, you are looking at a curvature of around .2 degrees, or a little more than 10 feet at 16 miles away. May I say, that curvature is still significantly higher than your IQ. – VirtualTeknique
Clippers are looking good this year.
The cashier legit told her “I’m tryna hurry home and watch some basketball right now, not date your broke ass.” – @rons_post
You need a mask. A layer mask.
And Photoshop on your face. – StJamie23
You don't want to hear about my trip to Indiana?
Granted, but you still have nothing interesting to say. – StonyTark3000