Dating is exhausting. You spend an entire evening trying to decide on the right shirt, putting on makeup, and Googling "interesting stuff to talk about," all in the hopes that you might have chemistry with another person. And it's one thing when a date goes incredibly well or disastrously wrong — it's a whole new level of disappointment when it's just kind of... nothing. You're okay, they're okay, but you're not okay together. And now you both just wasted an evening. That's why, when you do get into a relationship, a lot of people hold on for dear life. If it goes awry, you've got to go back into the hellscape that is the dating scene. But relationships can be just as awful, especially once they get far enough along that complacency keeps you looking past the bad stuff. That's why it's so important to know the red flags — the little things partners do that reveal themselves to be unworthy of your time and affection. And here's the internet to help you do just that — an AskReddit thread popped up recently asking users what were their biggest dating red flags, especially early in the relationship. The responses were enlightening, sure, but also harrowing if they reflect any of your current partner's behavior.

Why is this always on me?

When I feel like I have to initiate every single contact between us and if I don’t we simply won’t talk that day. – Vandelay222

Don't set yourself up for heartbreak.

A friend told me his new girlfriend cheated on every boyfriend she ever had. “Yeah, but she cares about me bro” Spoiler, she did not. – NaziHuntingInc


I dated a guy who was a yeller. Actually, he was a downright screamer. The kicker was, he’d be screaming at me and I’d ask him calmly to stop screaming at me, and he’d scream that he wasn’t screaming at me. Okay bud… He was also a huge alcoholic and I think that had something to do with it. I dreaded bringing up any issue no matter how big or small, because it would send him into this blind rage of screaming. No matter what, he’d label every discussion of ours a fight. I couldn’t have a conversation with him where he didn’t feel attacked. He came from a family of drunk screamers so I’m really glad I dodged that bullet. – OMEGA__AS_FK

It's the worst when they're just peering over your shoulder while you text, tryin' not to be seen...

Got jealous about every single call you received, even when it was from your family members. Accusing you of “cheating with that whore you’re on the phone with” (even though that “whore” was your dad.) They ended up being a major cheater in the end. – Anticlimactic__

That feels... not healthy.

I like girls who are physically affectionate, but my ex was so clingy she had her gay friends visit the bar I worked at to make sure I wasn’t flirting with girls. – 44G6

People reveal themselves when interacting with those lower than themselves on the totem pole.

The one that raises straight away for me is if they talk bad or down on others, even people they don’t know and it’s merely off how they look or dress. – AJBeans

Kinda quick, don't you think?

My ex told me he loved me two days after we were dating, wanted to meet my family after 3 days, called my cat “our son”, and constantly planned our future and our wedding and what our kids would look like. I’m smart enough to know when to nip this in the bud. – allypugner

There's truth in literally every single joke.

Refers to herself as a bitch or a crazy bitch. – IAmNotMyName And the follow-up quote that made me immediately picture this type of person crystal clear: “Lol I’m just such a psycho Haha!” – CrazyBrieLady

How about a little self-awareness, my man.

If ALL their exes are “crazy.” I’ve got a few normal exes that, due to life circumstances, didn’t work out. I’ve got a few that we just weren’t compatible with long-term. And I have a couple that is batsh–t crazy. But if ALL their exes are jerks, it most likely means they’re the jerk. (The two crazies I dated both spoke this way about ALL their former relationships.) – 03throwaway03

Honestly not sure what else there is to do in a relationship besides play head games?

Playing head games. We’re not in high school, and you aren’t on the Bachelorette. Be honest, sincere, and forthcoming, and we’ll get along just fine. I’m in my mid-thirties, and thus am too old and rickety to jump through hoops. – Madrojian

Remember to turn on Do Not Disturb.

Blowing up my phone at two in the morning is a big one for me. I don’t mind so much if it’s one or two messages late at night so long as they know most people are asleep around then. But if I wake up to like a dozen texts where they’re growing increasingly mad that I’m not responding, it’s a red flag. – AnUnimportantLife

The best solutions upset everyone equally.

If they aren’t willing to compromise on things, or they think their time is more precious than yours. My ex lived about 30 min away from me. I always met at his place or his town for stuff be never the other way around because he was, “too tired”. One day he tried rushing me out of our morning yoga class that ran over time, like got really uptight about it, so he wouldn’t be late for work (still 5 min way). Meanwhile I was gonna have at least a 25 min commute to get to my job and wasn’t that worried about it. I broke things off for other reasons but that one really buttered my rolls because I dealt with it everyday. – moshmore

Most loving relationships involve locks, I think.

I dated a guy for two months that flat out told my dad he wanted to get me pregnant so he could lock me in. I then found out he had a separate life when his other girlfriend found my phone number on my business page. – danifrankenstein

The ability to dodge questions is a dark art.

When they dodge answering questions or cut you off when you’re talking. I give them a pass the first time because it might be nerves but if it keeps happening it’s not okay. – TheBalance69

"Yeah, I get it, I'm hot, move on."

Someone who compliments you WAY too much. This might sound weird because of course everyone likes being complimented, but when I’m talking to you about something serious I don’t want to hear “sorry I couldn’t concentrate you’re so beautiful” or “wow I haven’t heard a word you said cause all I want to do is kiss you” ALL. THE. DAMN. TIME. This sort of clues me in that yeah I’m pretty, but you’ve put me on such a high pedestal that you can’t see me as anything less than a goddess. I want to be in a relationship, not worshiped because you have a weird fetish. – sashwam

Sometimes you just want to grab a person, shake them, and go "you were the jerk, dude!"

A lack of self-awareness. I once dated a guy who told two anecdotes of funny clusterf–ck situations. Both featured clear moments where the fault was his; his lack of research, his failure to follow through. But both stories were told like everyone else caused the issues. Like, where you’d expect “haha so yeah I should’ve done x…” he would just say “So Milo was an idiot and jumped”. A week later and it was clear: he didn’t see he was the common denominator in his issues. He was quick to blame others. Any suggestion of self-improvement was met by a blank stare. A touch of humility and a lot of self-awareness is so necessary. – Ladyughsalot1

"Look at me! I'm in love!"

Continually posting bits of our relationship on social media. I’m dating the person, not their fan club. – TacticalMacaroon

Bodies just do body things.

Acting super uncomfortable or grossed out when I mention my period. – outskirtsofalderaan

You gotta follow that bliss.

When they don’t have any desire to develop their own life/career/passions. I want someone that I know that has a drive to go in life on their own and find her own happiness. – WhatThePhoque

It was your idea!

Them: “Do you need some space? I understand.” Them: “Woww so you don’t wanna talk to me?” – lordofpurple

It stresses me out.

They play Minesweeper. Red flags everywhere, run quickly! – baxoga

Please respect my desire to not be called such a weird thing.

First date and the woman kept calling me “daddy”. She didn’t stop when I asked her too either. – the7thcircle

How are those control issues working out for you?

Started off with: “You look better without makeup” Then: “Why are you wearing those shorts?” “What is that sh–t on your face?” (when I did wear makeup) “Can’t you respect me by not wearing heels?” – noqueso

"Hey, can you get this?"

Making a fuss about payment. On a first date, I prefer to pay for myself. I’m just more comfortable with that. If my date gets angry/offended about that, it’s a good indication that we won’t be compatible. – sleepyhollow_101

They save nuts for the winter.

If she develops a pet name for you, like “squirrel,” and then proceeds to talk to you the entire time in a high pitched “girl squirrel” voice. Then she talks so much that you can put your phone down next to you and then pick it up 20 minutes later and she is still talking. – Gia75whiteload

People lovvvvve ultimatums.

I was dating someone for a few weeks and they wanted to meet up on a day I had school. I told them I was unable to meet with them. Their reply? “If you loved me you would do this for me.” I said, “Good thing I don’t love you. We’re broken up.” – MelodyAnneHaggerty

He might've just forgotten your name.

It sounds kinda weird, but I didn’t like it when the pet names would start early. Like, I wasn’t even DATING this guy — just talking — and he was already calling me “sweetheart” and “honey.” – Reggie_yeetye

When it's between a guy and the cat, the cat always wins.

My ex once got jealous of a cat. I got a little kitten while we were dating and he was over at my place two days later. I was pretty excited to have a kitty, and if you’ve ever had a small cat, you know they demand a lot of attention. So obviously, I played with the kitten while he was over and he got jealous. Of. A. Fricking. Cat. Thanks god we’re through, and my cat is still by my side :) – heyimfreezing

Speak your truth.

If they’re super passive. The “yes” men who will just agree to anything you say without adding much to it or talking about what they want. “We should see a movie” “Okay.” “What movie do you want to see?” “I’ll watch anything you want to watch.” “How about that sonic movie? The redesign is out.” “Okay.” I dunno it just ticks me off that they’re gonna be like this about important stuff too or that they’re going to silently let you do whatever you want until they explode because they’ve never been able to do anything you want. – ModestScorpion

No better judge of character than a dog.

My dog hated him. She’d bark at him and if he moved to pet or touch her, she’d be afraid and jump away. She judged him correctly; me, not so much. – understandinghooman Now that you know the red flags, stay tuned for the worst dating pickup lines EVER…

This pun-filled profile

When you go through something traumatic like losing a limb, you have two choices: Be bummed out about it for the rest of your life, or make hilarious jokes about it like Lauren. Be like Lauren.

This Mama's boy

Maybe think about taking it down a notch, Andrew. You’re coming on a tad strong.

This dark yet relatable statement

With everything that’s going on in the news these days, is there really anyone among us who can’t relate to this morbid yet hilarious statement?

This honest jokester

Not only does this guy promise not to kill you, he also includes a hilariously tasteless joke to prove what a great sense of humor he has. He’s the whole package!

This accomplished fellow

Way to go, Jack! Hopefully, this profile information is up to date and he has still never served time in prison. He should probably update it every year or so just to maintain total honesty.

This disturbed doggo

This dog has seen some stuff. I’d be willing to date this person just to get to know this pup better. And I don’t see anything wrong with that.  

This disobedient Alexa

Having a name like “Alexa” in this day and age can’t be easy. The constant jokes would be enough to drop the “a” at the end altogether.

This creative dater

After reading this list, I’m pretty darn irritated by the complete lack of creativity my previous dates have brought to the table. Sure, faking a kidnapping in public is probably a pretty terrible idea, but just think of what a rush it would be!

This awesome sense of humor

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This guy is a total catch. Not only does he have a wonderful sense of humor about his disability, just think of all the amazing parking spots you’d be able to snag on while dating him!

This fortunate name spelling

Although I happen to have the same name as this poor woman, mine is smelled in the normal, smart way as opposed to this….alternative spelling. Luckily, Emelly is still able to find gratitude in the little things.

This twist ending

We’ve all been there, friend. No judgment here.

This clumsy collage

This is heartbreaking to watch, and yet, I can’t look away. At least he’s setting your expectations low so if this happens on your first date you won’t be surprised.

This bad girl

I don’t think I’ve ever related to a Tinder profile more than I do with this one. I’m also bad at everything and have an ex named David that seriously can’t take a hint.

This good samaritan

Doesn’t this story just bring a tear to your eye? Seriously, though, most people wouldn’t even have helped her put the groceries back. You’re on your own, Grandma!

This super fan

This woman’s family is clearly not accepting of her chosen life partner. Honestly, there are worse people she could be choosing to spend her life with than a cardboard cutout of Danny Devito. Like a professional DJ.

This costume catastrophe

Wait, the guy who chose to take his mother to a couple’s costume party is somehow still single?! Shocker!

This heartwarming human

We must find Judy a special friend IMMEDIATELY. She’s too pure for this world!

This generous giver

Hey, at least this guy gives blood. That’s more than a lot of people do. Plus, he loves Ginuwine!

This unsatisfied customer

I don’t blame this guy for being upset. That’s flagrant false advertising!

This smart move

Ladies, remember this tip. It’s always a good idea to subtly reveal to your partner that you have sharp things in your possession, just in case.

This clever joke

This is pretty spectacular. Most people would just scroll past this without a second thought, so the one who takes the time to decipher this hidden message is truly worthy of a date.

This beach body

Ope. from r/Tinder
The beach is hard for John because of his wheelchair, but he still goes anyway. What’s YOUR excuse?!

This helpful hint

I literally had no idea how to pronounce her name, but after reading her profile in full it became crystal clear. Although, now I’ll only be able to hear her name in my head with Mike Tyson’s voice.

This wise reasoning

This is very true. In fact, now that drawing is all over the internet, too! So disgusting.

This quick escalation

This one made me literally LOL several times. Although I felt bad in the end about killing Jesse, he just made it so fun that I couldn’t stop myself.

This adorable singleton

Is Judy still available?! Somebody get Judy and this sweet old timer together, STAT!

This uplifting message

You know what, Jill? Thank you. I never expected to feel completely validated while scrolling Tinder, of all places.

This helpful hunk

Who knew there were so many hilarious amputees on Tinder?! This is hands-down one of the most clever profiles I’ve ever seen.

The pros and cons

There are pros and cons to every new relationship, but the hope is that the pros outweigh the cons. And in Alex’s case, they do. …barely.

This honest assessment

This guy knows what the people want and he gives it to them. Sure, everyone has a great personality these days, but a great ass is truly hard to find.
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