Zoo Will Name a Rat After Your Ex and Feed It to a Snake on Valentine’s Day
Roses are red, Violets are blue, If you're single, here's an idea for you. People have started a strange trend for Valentine's day, and we can see why everyone's going crazy for it...
What really is the meaning behind Valentine's day?
Valentine’s day might just be a big corporate scheme, but it doesn’t have to be.
It's more than that.
It’s no surprise that card and flower companies exploit Valentine’s day for all it’s worth, but the day itself happens to have a rich history.
Who is St. Valentine?
It all started in the third century… With a guy called Claudius the second; he banned his people from getting married because he believed it made his soldiers weeker.
Someone needs a hug.
One of Claudius’ Roman priests – St. Valentine – felt this was out of order, and began marrying the soldiers behind his back.
He did him dirty.
When Claudius found out about St. Valentine’s betrayal, he was sentenced to jail. Funnily enough, this is where he met the love of his life. Ironic, right?
This was obviously forbidden.
The love of his life turned out to be the jailer’s daughter, which was obviously forbidden.
St. Valentine was sentenced to death. It’s what he did before his execution that created the tradition of Valentine’s day.
He sent a love letter.
Signed “your Valentine,” just before being executed on February the 14th.
It went on to signify the beginning of spring.
Nowadays, it’s a way for people to express their love and gratitude for the special people in their lives. And a way for big companies to turn the holiday into a big money-making event.
It's crazy how much people spend.
According to the National Retail Federation, people are expected to spend an average of $161 on Valentine’s day.
It doesn't just have to be a box of chocolates or a teddy bear.
Valentine’s day has seen many people around the world celebrate the day in wacky and wonderful ways, to show the people they love that they care.
But what if you're single?
Well, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day!
In fact, it's a great opportunity to do something for you.
Hey, if no one else is getting you a gift, might as well get one for yourself, right?
And if you've just had a breakup ...
Valentine’s Day can feel super hard.
But San Antonio Zoo has come up with an innovative solution.
They’re offering customers the ideal single-person Valentine’s Day gift – revenge!
The event is called "cry me a cockroach."
“You can name a live cockroach, and we’ll serve it up as a snack to one of our animals.”
And, even better?
“If your ex was a snake, you could even name a rat, and we’ll feed it to a reptile!”
The revenge comes at a bargain price.
A cockroach will set you back $5, while a rat costs $25.
Not in the San Antonio area?
Don’t fear! The event will be live-streamed for salty singletons around the globe.
So being single on Valentine's day needn't be a sad event!
Interested in this brutal opportunity? Apply here. Fancy more single-appropriate Valentine’s Day options? Scroll on for the Nike Air Max editions featuring a broken heart.
It all started with one simple Tweet.
Laura Norkin pointed out that this is the first time many of us are seeing their partners in “full work mode.” And she shared her horrifying discovery: her husband says “let’s circle back.” What does that even mean?
Other people chimed in with their experiences.
No, not one more question, the meeting is done. Sometimes it’s tough to see the darkest parts of your spouse.
It's even tougher when they follow you on Twitter.
Oooh, busted. She probably has one more question for him, and it’s “are you sleeping on the couch or the floor tonight?”
It's not always that the partner has a bad work persona.
Sometimes it’s just so wildly different from who they are at home. Do they keep a secret doppelganger in the closet?
And it's not just the words people use that change.
Some people speak with an entirely different voice! It’s like customer service voice for the office.
Now we're all wondering about the people we love to hate in the office.
How are their spouses handling these revelations? Will they survive being alone together?
Not all work personas are bad.
As one commenter pointed out “just to clarify” is a great way to point out how absolutely idiotic someone is being.
But there are some lines that can't be crossed.
I swear to god if anyone says “out of pocket” I’m leaving this house and taking my chances out there in the wasteland.
But at least there are people like this guy who give us hope.
The true Male Ally who stands up for his female colleagues when they get interrupted. What a dream.
It just hurts to find out that he's not the person you thought he was.
Let’s table it? How could you do this to me? I never would have married a “let’s table it!”
It's not even just corporate jargon.
Some work spouses are just…weird? Apparently this one turns into an old-timey upperclass guy.
Some people have been hiding skills from their spouses.
Like this husband who has secretly been small-talking all along. What a betrayal!
A few people were self-aware enough to out themselves.
Have you ever said something and as it comes out of your mouth you just cringe? This is that.
Which is probably how we end up with this guy...
If I heard someone say “I’m giving you a few minutes back in your day” I’d probably assume they were an idiot too.
A good work persona can add some spice back into the marriage.
The key to managing your frustration in the workplace is knowing how to translate what you want to say into business speak.
Professionalism can be unsettling though.
It’s like a spooky mask that your partner wears until they can’t be fired for saying “f***.”
Some spouses aren't afraid to call out their significant other.
It’s entirely possible your SO doesn’t have a bad work persona: they may just have entirely boring work. And that’s ok.
Can you imagine being married to this guy?
I’d probably just die of shame if this were me. Or maybe do an honor killing to save my hubby from his shame.
Ok this one is even creepier than every other possibility.
No work persona? You’re just…comfortable and yourself at work? What even?
Oooh now this one is juicy.
I love just listening to my partner be a jerk. Mmm.
Isn't it wild how people have completely different skills at work?
I wonder if my husband can put his dishes in the dishwasher at work?
There are some other horrifying realizations in this thread.
Does my spouse use their people management skills on me? Imagine having this realization if you were married to a therapist.
Some folks have flaws that are unique to their work life.
It turns out it’s much easier to be on time to things you actually want to do. Who knew?
Some people just go too far.
If my husband ever tries to have synergy with someone I’m assuming he’s been taken over by some kind of pod person.
Are there people who truly don't know that all phones display your name now?
I know who you are. If I didn’t, I would not have answered the phone.
I will not be reaching out to anyone.
I’ll talk to them. Like a normal human being who uses their words.
Since we're all stuck inside for who knows how long...
You’re going to have to make this entertaining if you want your relationship to survive.
Here's an update for this guy:
It’s 2020 and calling everyone “chief” does have a gentle scent of racism to it.
You can hear the light indignation in this one.
It IS important for things to be brand-aligned! I swear it is!
If you want to play the full game...
Use this Bingo card to see how many squares your spouse can hit. It’s like a fun “kill me now” game. Losing your mind? Keep reading for some tips of staying sane while working from home…